Doors open. Enter lift. Push button. How hard can it be??

I share a lobby with a group of primitive, uncivilized Neanderthals (no offence to Neanderthals).

they behave so formally when they approach lifts..

here’s the tips; when the lift arrives, new guidelines come into play..

1. Group A (those in the lobby) must force their way in before Group B (those in the lift) get out. Otherwise you can’t tell who are the winners and who are the losers.

2. The first person inside must use their body to cover the panel so no-one else can press their buttons.

3. Lifts give people a two-minute pause from the rat race, so they are an ideal location for easing flatulence and enjoying good belch.

but humble your narrator and a friend have recently been attempting to start a little revolution by adopting a more creative mode of behaviour…

here’s how to play,

1. As each person enter the lift, say, “Hi! Glad you could make it!”, then shake hands vigorously.

2. Hold the door open at the ground level longer than necessary and respond to glares with “The lift is refuelling.” 

3. Speak into the panel microphone, “This is Alpha Bravo Elevator One to control. Ready for departure. Over.”

4. When the lift begins to ascend, say, “Please turn off your electronic devices as they may interfere with the elevator navigation system.”

5. If people are looking grim, suggest a group hug.

6. Whenever a guy in a dark suit gets on board, break into the James Bond theme.

7. When any male and female enter together, sing the wedding march (this works particularly well if they are clearly strangers).

8. As the lift comes to a halt, say, “Switching doors to manual” to the wall panel and, “Goodbye. I’ll never forget you” to the passengers.

Do the above, and i assure you you’ll enjoy the same personal attention from the building management that my friend and I get… 🙂

credit: Unbelievable! – readerdigestasia 05/12 , lots of thnks!!

Advertisements